To remain courteous, when you are provoked, is the only way out.
It is very difficult to remain silent and courteous when you feel you have been unfairly accused. However, this is the only thing that will take you to greater freedom. Let’s say someone accuses you of being intolerant, judgmental or disrespectful. You can either choose to defend yourself or not to defend yourself.
If you choose to “defend” yourself, it is best to give attention to what lies in your own hands. Generally, the only defense you can offer is to clarify your intentions and/ or your actions; or to explain that you didn’t mean to judge or disrespect the person. And better still, apologize for the fact that the person experienced you the way they did. But then move on. There is no more you can do without vindicating the accusation.
In other words, the moment you start to blame the other person for your behaviour – “I said this because you said this…” – you will become judgmental. They will respond with more accusations and so on. This can only add to the drama and keep you stuck in an unhealthy pattern.
The only way out is to choose not to defend yourself and remain silent in the face of the other’s accusations. Even if the other person is completely wrong in their criticism of you, by engaging in a dialogue of criticism and counter-criticism, you remain trapped.
So what if the other person does not experience you or see you the way you think you are, the way you strive to be or the way you intend? Their perception is a result of the filter of their internal dialogue and conditioning. Why do you want to make their problem, your problem?
This is not an absolute statement, only a suggestion for situations in which another person’s **opinion** is involved. In cases where you are unfairly **treated**, by a boss or teacher for instance, it may be correct to confront them.
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